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When I was a pastor of a small church in South Carolina, many times after lunch, I would put a cup of water in the microwave and then put a tea bag in the water. Many times, I would return several hours later to a very thick and cold cup of tea. I got distracted somewhere along the way. The same thing can happen to our marriages while we are deployed if we don’t take some very deliberate steps to maintain our focus.
One of the biggest ways to prevent this kind of distraction is to purposely make a communications plan. Ask yourself some questions in making this plan:
When is the best time for me to call or write?Â
How long will we talk on the phone?
How often will my mission allow me to call or write?Â
Do both parties understand that there are times that the mission will prevent a call or an email?
How are we going to decide when we disagree?
Creating a pattern of communication is one of the best ways of remaining connected during the deployment.  There are many different ways to communicate–snail mail, care packages, videos, web-cams, and pictures.  Get creative, but it is important to develop a consistent plan for communicating during the deployment.
Suzanne says
I met your wife when Duncan and I were in Germany during the month of June and we have been keeping in touch. I just wanted to let you know that I am so encouraged by your blog. Duncan and I have a passion for helping people have healthy marriages. We both feel very strongly that our church often doesn’t do enough to prepare people for the hard-times in marriage. We have pursued training through Marriage Savers and have been working with couples (doing premarital) for quite a few years now. Duncan also does quite a bit of relationship counseling in his job as Youth and College Pastor at http://www.nk-bc.org.
Anyway – just a note to keep up the good work.
Suzanne