I recently read an article from christianitytoday.com by Kent Hughes called 4 Communication Firecrackers. Â
In this article the writer tells a story about the firecrackers that can go off when a couple begins to disagree. These firecrackers can make a big impact on how we communicate with our spouses. Recently, inside the telephone center, we placed a poster that describes these firecrackers as a “don’t say this” list to remind people what to avoid when they call home.Â
Briefly the “Don’t Say this List” includes the topics of  Threats, Name Calling, Blame, and ExaggerationsÂ
When we speak to our spouse, we will some time disagree. That is perfectly normal. However, how we respond is critical to how we want to communicate our love for our spouse and our commitment to them. When you disagree, take the time to listen to the concerns of the other person. Let them know that you are listening and encourage their feedback. Â
Put yourself in the other partner’s shoes. Neither one of the spouses fully understand what life is like on either end of the ocean—take the time to understand the concerns of the spouse.  Encourage them, reaffirm to your spouse that you love them and seek to find agreement between the two of you. This can be done by listening and avoiding the “don’t say this list”.Â
Disagreement will happen—Arguments don’t have to.Â
Sokhom Chhim says
Great advice Chaplain, I feel that soldiers and their spouses don’t fully understand the importance of communication before a deployment. Other things that can lead to marriage break ups are unresolved issues that were glossed over when the couple was stateside.